Scavenger Hunt
by Nika Dixon
Summary: A silly bit of humour about a scavenger hunt - just something odd to kill some time. No ship other than friendship implied R/K and J/T .
1. Chapter 1

_Author's notes: This is completely silly nothingness and just for fun. :P There's no spectacular plot - it's more like a snippet of time with the team. No real ship other than friendship although R/K and J/T are implied. This idea popped into my head and just sort of fell out! Hope you enjoy. :)_

**First Annual Atlantis Scavenger Hunt**

The purpose of this event is to promote a air of fun, friendly competition, and entertainment. The Hunt will take place over a four hour period, commencing at 18:00 Thursday, and ending at 22:00 Thursday. The winning team will receive a twenty-four hour overnight "vacation" to the pristine, sandy beaches of PX3-127, complete with local accommodations and food.

Rules of Competition

A Team must consist of a minimum of 4 members, and a maximum of 8. Each team must be co-ed (at least one member of the opposite sex) and must cover at least 3 departments or divisions (e.g. Medical, Military, Security).

Theft of items will not be tolerated and will result in the team being immediately disqualified.

A given item may only be used once, by any one team. Items may not be shared between teams.

Judging will begin at 20:00 hours, Thursday, in the cafeteria/mess hall.

All team members must be present and accounted for at the time of the judging or the team will be disqualified.

Final results will not be disclosed until all teams have been judged. Results are final.

Your List:

- a flag (any country, or planet)  
- something "made in Canada"  
- fish net nylons  
- a scrunchie  
- a bathing suit  
- a map  
- a photo of a team member's parent(s)  
- a jar of fresh sea water from the north-east pier  
- a copy of Mad Magazine  
- a nine iron  
- a toupee  
- something specifically from the Pegasus galaxy  
- a romance novel  
- an original finger painting  
- a trophy  
- a pair of long underwear (long johns)  
- a flavored condom  
- Gumby or Pokey  
- a concert ticket  
-car keys  
- a fake gun  
- a pie  
- a bandana  
- a Wraith stunner  
- Colonel Sheppard's socks (the ones he's wearing)

* * *

**The List**

"Did you get it?" Radek leaned forward, pushing his glasses back up his nose with his index finger.

Jennifer waved the piece of paper as she walked forward. "Got it." She handed him the rules list for the Scavenger Hunt and leaned in to read over his shoulder.

Jen hadn't originally intended on participating at all, but somehow she'd ended up next to Radek in the cafeteria when the announcement was made and after everyone rushed off to find their team mates, the two of them had been left standing alone like the last two kids picked for softball.

If Kavanagh hadn't chosen that exact moment to parade in front of them with his posse, snidely insulting them to the snickered enjoyment of his followers, Jen probably wouldn't have challenged him. And Radek probably wouldn't have agreed.

But Kavanagh had.

So here they were.

"We will need two more people." Radek pointed out the first rule.

Jen sighed, then started to laugh. "You know, short of a miracle, there's no way we're going to win."

"Win what?" Rodney asked, wandering into the lab, his tablet tucked under his arm.

"The Scavenger Hunt." Radek answered, threading his arms in front of his chest.

Rodney waved his hand and tisked as he sat down in front of one of the lab's laptops, setting his tablet down beside him.

"You have something against scavenger hunts?" Jen shuffled closer to Rodney.

Rodney narrowed his eyes at something on the screen. "It's a well known fact they are a complete waste of time, and if planned properly, mathematically impossible win without the key item."

"What is he talking about?" Jen asked Radek with an exaggerated whisper.

"Well, it is true, yes, that most events such as these are… fixed." Radek nodded quickly.

"Fixed? You mean someone's already set to win?" Jen asked, leaning back against the workbench and crossing her arms.

Rodney glanced between his tablet and the screen. "Oh please. It's just like McDonald's Monopoly. If you don't get Boardwalk, you can't win the big money."

"Monopoly?" Radek glanced at Jen, who shrugged.

Rodney looked up and frowned. "Yes, yes. Monopoly. You know, there's always something on the list that only one team can get. If you don't get it, you'll never win."

"Yes Rodney, but is that not the whole point?" Radek asked. "Only one team can win."

Rodney sighed and rolled his eyes, snapping his fingers and waiving his hand for the paper. He quickly scanned the list, made a sharp hmm, then handed it back. "Colonel Sheppard's socks. Definitely fixed."

"So you're saying if we get the socks, we win?" Jen glanced at Radek, then back down at the list. "Makes sense I guess."

"Ideally." Radek shrugged. "Everything else on the list should be easily duplicated – unless the Colonel wears more than one pair of socks. Which, I suppose, is technically possible. However everyone else will also be after his socks."

"So we just have to ask him first!" Jen's hand automatically raised to her ear then she rolled her eyes and dropped her arm. "Oh. I forgot. They're off world until later today. But… couldn't we get the rest together and then wait? If we can catch him in the gate room?"

Radek tilted his head. "We would still need two more people."

Jen smiled and stepped up to Rodney. "Come on, Rodney. We need you."

Rodney ignored her.

"McKay…" She drew his name out and leaned forward, covering his tablet.

Rodney reached out and slid his computer to the opposite side. "Sorry. Busy. Saving the universe and all that."

"Come on, Rodney." Zelenka nodded. "It wouldn't kill you to take a few hours off."

"Kill me?" Rodney looked up and rolled his eyes. "No, we only have an Ancient city we haven't begun to finish exploring, a database we've barely scratched the surface of, an alien race that wants us for snack food, replicators, nanites, technology we don't fully understand, and pretty much every planet containing something or someone that wants to kill us. Yep. Plenty of time for running about the city looking for someone's pet monkey."

"There's no pet monkey on the list…" Radek repeated with a frown. "Oh I see. A joke. Yes."

Jen shrugged. "Come on, Rodney." She shifted to the other side of the table, slowly picking up his tablet as she spoke and handing it to him. "The winning team gets twenty four hours down-time on a remote beach. Remote. No people. No one to bother you. No emails. No communicator going off. No one blowing up the lab. No one to bother you with insignificant questions. You. Your work. The shade of a palm tree and a cool ocean breeze. Someone waiting on you hand and foot, bringing you coffee, food, anything you need while you are left alone to concentrate on all the problems and issues you're dealing with. Twenty four hours. Un-interrupted…" She trailed off letting the idea roll itself around in Rodney's mind, watching his eyes glaze over as he hugged the computer tightly against his chest.

"Kavanagh said you'd never be able to beat him." Radek added, leaning across the work bench.

Rodney's head snapped up, his eyes narrowed. "Give me the list."

* * *

**The Number 4**

The trio hurried off to the infirmary to grab a large duffel bag Jen kept for medical supplies. They'd passed several other groups huddling in corners, warily eyeing them, and hiding a familiar looking piece of paper.

"What?" Rodney muttered. "Is everyone signed up?"

"For twenty-four hours on a pristine beach that apparently resembles Fiji or Bora Bora?" Jen laughed. "You bet everyone's going for it."

In her office, she quickly emptied the pack and turned to her partners. "So who's our fourth?"

"We need someone who isn't a doctor or a scientist." Radek shrugged. "What about Dr. Naliah?"

"Botanist equals scientist." Rodney sighed. "And about as smart as a pot of dirt, too."

"Rodney!" Jen admonished.

"Well she is!" Rodney answered.

"Doctor…" Zelenka raised his hand then shook his head. "No, no. Scientist. Or… No, that won't work either." He hesitated. "I am having trouble thinking of someone who isn't a scientist."

"I'm not." Jen shoved the duffle bag at Radek and quickly crossed the infirmary to the patient who was sliding off a gurney on the far side of the room.

"How is he?" She glanced at the chart the nurse was holding, then at the white bandage circling the man's forearm.

"Fine." Nurse McKechern nodded. "Fourteen stitches. He's good to go."

"Excellent." Jen tilted her head, dismissing the nurse. "Major? I have a proposal for you."

"Proposal?" Evan Lorne shifted his weight and looked quickly around.

Jen laughed at his suddenly wary look and hooked his arm with hers, dragging him over to Zelenka and McKay.

"How do you feel about tropical beaches?"

"Better yet," Radek added. "How do you feel about Kavanagh?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Made in Canada**

"What is a _scrunchie_?" Rodney frowned.

Jen reached up behind her head and yanked out her pony tail, letting her hair fall down around her shoulders. She held the oversized hair elastic out to Rodney.

"Ew!" He snatched his hand back. "What's that for?"

"It's a scrunchie." Jen smiled and dropped the item into the duffel bag. She grabbed her pen and crossed it off the list.

"You are _Canadian_." Radek shook his head at Rodney. "How can you not have something that was made in Canada?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well I'm sorry that our trading partners see fit to import everything from China."

"What about your Tim Hortons mug?" Radek suggested.

"Taiwan." Rodney muttered.

"You know…" Jen looked up from the list. "Technically… _you_ are made in Canada?"

Rodney blinked, tilted his head, then puffed out his chest. "Yes. Yes I am."

"Do you think that will work?" Radek looked hopefully between the two of them.

"I don't see why not." Jen shrugged. "It's vague enough, and these things are supposed to be interpretable. We just have to justify our reasoning."

"All right then!" Radek happily crossed "made in Canada" off the list.

Evan stepped into the room. He was grinning, despite a stiff limp as he moved forward, favoring his left leg.

"Major?" Jen stepped towards him, instantly concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Yup." He grinned. "Perfect, actually!" He fumbled with his belt.

Rodney muttered something unintelligible and Zelenka looked as confused as Jen felt when Evan stuck his hand inside his pants.

The Major grinned maniacally and slowly withdrew a golf club.

"One nine iron." He said with a flourish as he dropped the club next to the duffle bag. "I saw Kavanagh sniffing around the supply room. Didn't want him to see me leaving with it."

"Kavanagh." Radek spit, then launched into a string of muttered curses in Czech.

"So you inconspicuously stuffed a golf club down your pants?" Rodney shook his head. "I don't want to know."

"You know," Radek removed his glasses to clean the lenses. "You keep saying that."

"Saying what?"

"That you don't want to know." He seated the glasses back over the bridge of his nose.

"Well I don't want to know how he managed to _sneak_ a golf club down his pants," Rodney rolled his eyes. "And I don't want to know how you got Dr. Goerman to give up his toupee, either. And I most certainly don't want to know that Keller's idea of a good book has to do with half naked pirates with unreal pectoral muscles and buxom blondes who can't keep their underwear on."

"Rodney!" Jen backhanded him across the chest, feeling the heat rising into her cheeks.

"Oh please," McKay rolled his eyes. There's only four of us here, and unless Lorne or Radek here are secretly hiding a love of trashy romance novels, that book definitely belongs to you."

"Not me." Evan quickly added, clearing his throat.

"Nor I!" Radek looked horrified at the thought.

"I… I borrowed it!" Jen looked quickly between the three men.

"Doubtful." Rodney made a knowing face.

"It goes to well with the fishnets." Zelenka added with a laugh.

"Fishnets, Doc?" Evan raised an eyebrow.

"Okay those were definitely _not_ mine!" Jen stammered.

"Does Ronon know you read this kind of material?" Radek grinned at the picture on the cover of the book he'd removed from the duffel bag. He tossed the book at Rodney when she dove for it.

"Better yet does he know about the fishnets?" Evan added.

"Don't be childish!" Jen muttered, scrambling for Rodney, who tossed the book to Evan.

"You know, this guy does look a lot like him." Evan laughed, holding up the book and pointing at the half-clothed hero on the front cover.

"Oh. My. God!" Jen muttered, snatching the book away from a laughing Evan and dropping it back into the duffel bag. "You're nothing but immature children."

"You're the one who brought the book." Rodney said innocently.

"Well at least I can read without visual enhancements, Mr. Fly vs. Fly!"

"I'll have you know Mad Magazine is a childhood icon." Rodney crossed his arms and frowned.

"It's the fact that you actually _brought_ one all the way to another galaxy that surprises me most." Jen smiled.

"I brought a lot of things with me." Rodney argued.

"_I_ especially like the red flannel long-johns you contributed." Radek nodded with a huge grin.

"And this coming from the man with pigeon pajamas." Rodney countered.

"Okay now that's just being petty." Radek frowned.

"All right, boys… and girl." Lorne interrupted loudly. "Perhaps we should get down to business?"

"Oooh, is this what I think it is?" Jen taunted the Major, waving a small neon-green packet.

Evan quickly reached for it but Jen held her hand away. Zelenka grabbed the tiny foil package. "Lemon-lime Flavored condom. Ribbed for her pleasure."

Evan, face flushing, snatched it back and tossed it into the bag.

"I never said it was mine."

"Right." Rodney nodded. "Like Keller's book."

"Rodney!" Jen exclaimed.

"And the stockings." Radek added with a grin.

"Okay!" Evan drew the word out, drawing everyone's attention. "We only have two hours left, folks, and I really want that furlough."

Zelenka read off the remaining items. "Fresh sea water, something specifically from Pegasus, Gumby or Pokey, a concert ticket, a pie, a Wraith stunner, and the Colonel's socks."

"Why does it have to be water from the north-east pier? Can't we just use any water? I mean, who's going to know?" Evan looked up.

"Can't." Rodney shook his head. "The water off that end of the pier is teeming with micro-organisms that glow neon-green."

"It would be far too noticeable." Zelenka added.

"Right." Evan nodded, and glanced at Jen, who shrugged. He checked his watch. "The trip to the north-east pier is at least thirty minutes, there and back, at a full run."

"Don't look at me!" Rodney looked marginally pained.

Radek rolled his eyes and Jen laughed.

"Don't worry, McKay." Evan grinned. "I wouldn't want you to have a heart attack."

"I'm in perfect health." McKay muttered. "For my frame."

"So Evan will get the water. That leaves the three of us to get something specifically from Pegasus, a Gumby or Pokey, someone's concert ticket, a pie, a Wraith stunner, and Sheppard's socks."

"You know… I'm not really sure we should be digging out Wraith stunners." Evan shook his head. "And why that's even on the list in the first place is beyond me. Those things are heavily guarded and require a direct order to remove from the armory. No one should-"

He was cut off with a soft thud as Rodney set a Wraith stunner onto the table.

"Uh, McKay?" Evan raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Rodney crossed his arms and raised his chin in challenge.

"Never mind." Evan shook his head and shrugged. "Now _I_ don't want to know."


	3. Chapter 3

**Secret Weapons**

It took Jen nearly forty five minutes to locate Dr. Nguyen in the bottom floor of one of the biology labs. She'd had to do it the old fashioned way, cautiously asking around, in order to avoid any suspicion. She could have asked the control room to find him using the city wide sensors, but didn't want to give away his location, since he was currently the only person she could think of who had a Gumby.

After promising him she'd willingly volunteer the next time he had an off-world plant gathering expedition, he handed over the small green keychain fob.

She'd ducked behind a column right before Kavanagh rushed past, demanding to see Dr. Nguyen.

"Sucker." She muttered to herself before making a run for the nearest transporter.

By the time she arrived back at Rodney's lab, Evan had returned with a sealed jar of glowing seawater, and Zelenka managed to scoop a concert ticket from one of his lab assistants.

"Where's Rodney?" She asked, dropping the small plastic Gumby onto the counter.

"He said something about a secret weapon." Zelenka shrugged.

"Other than the stunner?" Evan raised an eyebrow.

"We only have three items left." Jen scanned the list. "Something from Pegasus, a pie, and the socks."

Voices from the hallway turned them all towards the doorway. Jen glanced quickly between Radek and Evan when Rodney walked in with Teyla.

Everyone called out a greeting as Teyla approached.

"May I present our Pegasus item…" Rodney held his hand out towards the Athosian. "And, our secret weapon."

"Secret weapon?" Jen asked, greeting Teyla with a smile.

"Given the choice between Teyla and Kavanagh, who do you think Sheppard's going to willing part with his socks for?"

"Ah Rodney, you are indeed a genius." Radek grinned and gave McKay a mock bow.

"I know." Rodney raised an eyebrow, glowing from the compliment.

"Rodney has kindly informed me of your competition." Teyla smiled. "I would like to offer my assistance in your plan to… crush?" she looked at Rodney for confirmation on the wording. "Kavanagh?"

"Nice!" Evan laughed.

Teyla nodded. "I must confess, I have never truly liked the man. I would very much enjoy seeing his face when he realizes he has not won this hunt."

Jen couldn't stop herself from grinning. "All right boys and girls. All we need then, is a pie."

Evan checked is watch. "Colonel Sheppard's team is due to return in thirty minutes. We have just under an hour until the competition closes so we'll be cutting it kind of tight. Why don't you guys get the pie, and wait for us in the mess hall. Teyla and I will snag us a pair of socks."

* * *

**Lemon Meringue **

Tightly gripping a coconut cream pie, Jen stood between Radek and Rodney in the crowded mess hall, anxiously watching the crowd. There certainly were a lot of people crammed into the space! Groups stood bunched together, protecting various sized bags and boxes containing their bounty.

After twenty minutes of casually trying to overhear the other groups as they talked about their items, they'd deduced that only two groups had every item save for one. Their group, and Kavanagh's.

Let the taunting begin.

Kavanagh's group, relaxed and confident, stared openly at Jen, Radek and Rodney while they whispered behind the backs of their hands. A few louder insults were thrown, which Radek happily answered in Czech.

Jen was pretty sure he was swearing, too.

"They're up to something." Radek nodded furiously.

"But what?" Jen whispered, eyeing the large group warily. "They need John's socks, too, and he's not back yet."

"They could be cheating." Radek raised an eyebrow.

"How could they cheat?" Jen pursed her lips. "Colonel Sheppard's socks is a very specific item. It has to be one's he's wearing, which pretty much says he has to be here in order for the team to win."

"But what if he's not?" Radek frowned.

"Not what?" Jen asked.

"Not here."

"Who's not here?" Rodney shrugged and looked around.

"Colonel Sheppard." Radek nodded.

"No," Rodney gave Radek a boy-you're-stupid stare. "Sheppard's on M35-251."

"Yes, yes, Rodney." Radek shook his head. "I know that. What I'm saying is, Kavanagh looks too cocky. He is not exactly known for playing nicely with others."

"I can't believe he's still here." Rodney made a disgusted sound and shook his head. "You'd think the laws of nature would have rid us of him by now but no… we lose the important ones and the idiots still live to mock us."

"Rodney!" Jen admonished.

"What?" He turned towards her. "All I'm saying is-"

"Yes, I know what you're saying." She shook her head. "It's still not nice to wish someone dead."

"Hey, you're the one who said you'd rather eat… worms was it? Than see Kavanagh win?"

She shrugged and tried to hide her smile. "I did say that, didn't I."

Radek nodded. "You did."

"Well I hope you like worms, then." Kavanagh said, his snarky undertones making Jen frown. She turned around.

"Kavanagh."

"Keller."

Rodney and Radek flanked her.

"You don't honestly think you have a chance in hell of winning, do you?" Rodney crossed his arms over his chest.

Kavanagh grinned. "Oh, yes. I do, actually. I've already packed for the trip."

"In theory," Radek added, pushing his glasses up his nose. "We are tied. Neither team may actually win."

"Oh we're going to win." Kavanagh nodded.

"Nice try. You need Sheppard's socks the same as we do." Rodney leaned forward.

Kavanagh turned back towards his group a wide, knowing smile cracking his face. "What makes you think we don't already have them?" He said to the obvious enjoyment of his group.

"Oh, dear." Zelenka muttered turning around. "You don't think he got them before Sheppard left, do you?"

"Oh thank you Mr. Optimist." Rodney rolled his eyes.

"I'm just saying…"

"Yes, yes I know what you're saying."

Jen shook her head, eyes narrowed. "There's no way he could have known it was on the list. The Colonel left before the announcement was made. He's just trying to get us to fold. And besides, that would be cheating." Jen frowned and shifted the coconut cream pie from one hand to the other as she leaned towards Kavanagh. "You can't cheat."

Kavanagh just grinned.

Dr. Mitchell stepped up from behind Kavanagh, her face pinched with a frown as she gripped the white topped pie she held. "Are you calling us cheaters?"

"No, no." Jen stammered, stepping back "I'm just saying you're bluffing. You have just as many items as we do."

"So you think." Kavanagh raised his eyebrow. "In ten minutes, when they're announcing our flight plan to a tropical destination, you'll have your answer."

"The only way you could have everything is if you cheated." Radek crossed his arms and stepped up beside Jen.

"There you go accusing us of cheating, again." Dr. Mitchell narrowed her eyes and stepped in front of Radek, her skinny, six foot frame towering over the shorter scientist.

"I said nothing of the sort." Radek puffed out his chest and tried his best to look intimidating.

"Yes, you did." Mitchell quickly moved the pie from one hand to the other effectively swinging it inches in front of Rodney's nose.

Rodney blanched and stepped sideways. "Is that a… ah… _lemon_, meringue pie?" He squeaked at Mitchell, gripping Jen's arm so tightly she bobbled the pie she was holding. The duffel bag slid off his shoulder and banged into Jen's arm, upsetting the pie.

Radek scrambled to grab for it at the same time as Jen reached for the other edge and their hands collided against the side of the pie tin. The pie flipped straight up, then out, knocked higher when Jen dove for it, her fingers just scraping the edges as the cream topping slapped with a muffled, wet slop against the front of Mitchell's shirt.

"Oh my God." Jen stepped forward, attempting to scoop the pie parts back into the now empty pie tie. "I'm so sorry!"

"You did that on purpose." Mitchell looked shocked, shaking her arm and flinging pieces of pie off onto Jen.

"No, no! It was an accident." Jen stammered. She moved to step back but her feet slipped in the pie guts littering the floor. Without thought, her arms pin wheeled as she fought to regain her footing and in the process, she flung the half loaded pie-tin to her left where it landed in the middle of one of the tables splattering the occupants with remnants of coconut cream mush.

Squeals of shock echoed through the mess hall.

Mitchell cursed and flicked pie off her fingers into Jen's face. With the other hand she angled back and held the lemon meringue pie above her shoulder. "Oh you're going to pay for that!"

"Lemon!" Rodney squealed, yanking Radek in front of him like a shield.

Jen spun and shoved Rodney away, knocking him into one of the tables where the back of his head landed with a wet slopping mush directly into a blueberry pie. His body sent drinks and food scattering as he scrambled to get out of the way of the impending lemon projectile.

Jen's shoulders hunched as the cold wet slime of Mitchell's pie splattered against the side of her head, temporarily blinding her with the spray of meringue. She spun, slipped, and latched onto Radek, accidentally yanking him down with her, watching in dismay as Zelenka's feet kicked out and took down both Mitchell and Kavanagh.

To her left someone yelled _food fight -_ to her right, someone else screamed _wraith stunner_, and from there, it all went to hell.

* * *

**And the winner is…**

John wasn't the kind of guy to be caught staring at something with his mouth hanging open, but at this exact moment, he most certainly was staring.

He snapped his jaw closed and glanced at Ronon, who, for a guy known specifically for his stoic appearance, was looking pretty damn surprised himself.

If the welcoming committee they'd received the minute they'd stepped through the gate wasn't the first indication something was off – the repeated calls for security to high-tail it to the cafeteria sure as hell were.

Jumping out of the way of a group of squealing scientists who were escaping the cafeteria, John stepped inside and took in the war zone that was once the mess hall.

Those who weren't madly scrambling for the exit were either participating in, or hiding from, one hell of a food fight, and for some reason, the main projectile seemed to be full sized pie's.

In both corners, groups had flipped tables onto their sides and were madly flinging handfuls of food at the oncoming crowds amidst squeals and shrieks. In front of the food counters, the staff were running about, arms waving, trying to command people to stop. Judging by the mass of food being flung at the white robed cooks, they were making themselves too much of an easy target.

But the biggest show was going on in the middle of the room.

Several people were wrestling in the center of the floor, completely covered in pie remnants. It took him a few seconds to distinguish the faces amidst the whipped camouflage. Zelenka and Teyla were half dragging, half shielding McKay as they shoved him behind an overturned table. Lorne was attempting to pull a sputtering Dr. Mitchell off of two other people, and a pair of Marine's were struggling with a scientist over what appeared to be… a wraith stunner?

"What the hell?" he muttered, stepping forward.

A sharp tug on the shoulder strap of his TAC vest and Ronon yanked him to the side moments before something resembling, and smelling suspiciously like apple pie slapped into the wall next to his head.

"Thanks." He muttered.

Ronon grunted.

Since security's presence was having little effect, John did the only thing he could think of.

He fired a round into the ceiling.

_Silence._

"What on Earth is going on in here?" Colonel Carter's shocked voice sounded from behind John.

"Don't look at me." John glanced over his shoulder. "We just got here."

"Did you just shoot the ceiling?" Sam asked, staring above John's head.

"Um, no?" John grinned sheepishly and shoved his gun back in the holster.

Head's and bodies appeared above turned over tables. Giggles and snickers echoed through the silent room as people quickly scrambled to escape Samantha Carter's stern gaze.

Teyla and Radek were dragging Rodney quickly forward. His eyes were wide and he was muttering something about lemon meringue.

"Yes, yes, Rodney." Zelenka was muttering. "The pie missed you. You're not going to die."

"But it was lemon! Did you see that? Lemon I tell you! Dr. Mitchell tried to kill me!"

"Perhaps you should visit the infirmary?" Teyla suggested, pushing Rodney gently forward and watching as he and Zelenka disappeared out the doors.

They turned their attention back to the small crowd still gathered in the middle of the room.

Lieutenant Barnes was gripping a wraith stunner in his right hand, and a cowering scientist in his left.

"I'm sorry, Colonel and… um… Colonel." The portly man mumbled, as John and Sam stepped forward. His glasses were falling down his nose under the slippery aid of a large glop of cherry pie. The man's lab coat and half his body were completely plastered in pie remnants. "I didn't mean to stun him. I got hit in the face and… well… it just sort of… well… went off."

John looked down and tried very… very hard not to laugh at the unconscious form lying on the floor. He tried. And failed.

A snicker escaped.

He couldn't help it.

Kavanagh.

Victim of a wraith stunner.

"You know," John said, smirking over his shoulder at Colonel Carter. "This time I'm actually looking _forward_ to reading his report to the IOA."

* * *

**The Aftermath**

"Oh for heaven's sake, would someone please tell the man to put some clothes on!" Rodney rolled his eyes and spun his chair around, trying to block the image of Ronon walking buck naked into the surf.

Gales of laughter erupted behind him and he frowned, staring down at his tablet. The new angle of his chair was directly under a beam of sunlight and he could barely see the screen.

With a sigh of exasperation he turned back towards his team and shook his head.

Ronon and Jennifer were cavorting in the water. "Get a room!" He called out, much to the enjoyment of the others.

John gave him a thumbs up from his sprawled out position in a lawn chair where Teyla was leaning comfortably against his chest. The two of them were laughing at Ronon's inability to understand Earth swimming customs. Radek was running around in the shrubbery somewhere off to Rodney's left, whistling a bizarre cacophony of useless bird calls in an attempt to photograph the native feathery population.

Evan, switching songs on the portable MP3 player he'd brought along, cranked up the volume at John's urging. Then he fished around in the cooler and yanked out a six pack. Pulling one off the plastic rings he handed it to John, then removed another and held it out to Rodney, wiggling the can suggestively.

Rodney sighed again, set his tablet carefully into the case lying next to his chair, and held out his hands to catch the can of beer.

There was absolutely no way in hell he was going to get a lick of work done.

He sighed again, and took a sip of the cold beer.

Could have been worse, he supposed.

Kavanagh could have won.

-END-


End file.
